At some point in time, someone decided that there was an outline of how life is supposed to look.
Grow up, play with the neighbors, graduate with flying colors, go to college, graduate again with flying colors then get a job in the exact field you graduated in and work to support the family that you eventually have. There. That’s it. That’s the outline. Then I guess you grow old with that special someone by your side and pass peacefully in your sleep- shortly after you say your farewells, give your final words of wisdom to your young grandson and have a full happy filing cabinet in your mind of your life-long memories. That’s apparently what someone decided life is like.
That person must have really not gotten out much.
…Because my life seems to be moving sporadically; great things, terrible things, exciting adventures and a lot of people wondering in and out of my life quickly. It’s absolutely wonderful and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
….there is always a but, isn’t there?
BUT, that outline- no matter how much I try- seems to be embedded inside of me. There is apart of me that says “Christa your 26, you should have done all of these things on this list of life by now: Graduate college, get a career, meet your husband and settle down” So to make that voice in my head slightly satisfied I decide to move forward in the career department- because all the other options seemed impossible to conquer in a short period of time.
So I went for it. I went out into the world and found myself a company I believed in. A company I’ve dreamed of being involved in for the last year or so and guess what… they were looking for customer service based experience in the field of travel. RIGHT. UP. MY. ALLEY.
The process of getting a big girl job has a lot more to it than I had anticipated. The wait was long. I had to get myself a temporary barista job at a local café just to pay the bills while I awaited the outcome. It took months. I continued to check in with the original interviewer and as far as I knew, all was going well with the hiring process.
Finally the day had come. The moment of truth. The email from HR.
I was standing in line at the fitting rooms at Urban Outfitters, leaning up against a wall watching my love try on an assortment of colored pants. I glanced down at my phone with butterflies making my stomach curl.
Thanks for your interest in our company. Unfortunately…..
That’s all I needed to see. UNFORTUNATELY.
I waited months for an UNFORTUNATELY.
My heart crumbled for a moment as I stood. The music playing drowned out into this unbearable silence. Failure has never looked good on me. It will never look good on me. And it’s just one of those unavoidable things that I will never get used to. I tried not to let my eyes tear up but they did. I don’t think it was the job as much as the idea that I wasn’t good enough to these people. Not even good enough to meet in person.
The thing is, I have had a passion inside of me that I didn’t even know existed until this happened. It’s true you know… when one door closes another opens. With this ideal “career” out of my mind, there was space for something better to open up.
Today at my café I fell into conversation with someone who is doing the exact thing that I’d love to do. She went from Art Teacher to Designer and now holds her own business. Her excitement towards me about what she does and what I want to do was beautiful and honest. I took it as a sign to pursue something I love- not something comfortable and steady.
I’m an adventurist not a receptionist. My life has thrived from art not financial databases. So I might take a chance but I don’t care because each step I take towards my goal, is one I am completely in love with and that is worth it.
So I didn’t get the job. Well… I obviously didn’t fit there anyway.
Here’s to the little hints that life gives us to push us in the right direction. Here’s to unexpected, the scary, the big jump. Here’s to love, may it never leave your side.